Thursday, March 19, 2015

Renew My Heart Again

6 months and counting... Our plans for Uganda continue to move forward.  In 2 months we will prepare to quit our jobs, sell our house and begin raising support full time. I've posted our furniture online to sell, we sold our car, and our kayaks. Last week I took a load of clothes to the consignment store, and when I find some time, we need to try to sell our road bikes. I feel like everything around me is marked and ready to be given away or sold. I have forgotten how much I idolize my possessions and use them for comfort and security.  Right now God is stripping away layer after layer of my comforts until I am left feeling completely exposed.  But as I sit and seek God in this moment it occurs to me that isn't that the beauty of being a Christian, allowing the Spirit to work in our lives so that we can worship God more genuinely and rid us of hindrances? In order to worship Him, I need to remove idols. In order to trust in Him, I must let go of everything that I use as a security net... My job is my security net currently. As we prepare to move to Uganda, everything else seems so uncertain and out of my control-- except for my job and my paycheck. It's going to be really tough leaving work (not only because I have really great coworkers) but because that is my one and only independent item left that I have some control over. Once that's gone, so is my control. And that scares me. Yet, I know in my heart that God will provide. I trust in him.... but I still feel like a flying trapeze artist jumping with no net to catch me. Taking that leap of faith isn't easy, but that is exactly what faith is, believing it is Him who provides for us, and that it is Him who will protect us. So, in the midst of humbly surrendering every ounce of my control, I am learning to jump with excitement and not with fear.

Worship is the only thing that can calm my anxious heart. It's in the sweet moments when I sit at His feet and praise His name that everything in the world is right. In worshiping God, I acknowledge His sovereignty, His power, His beauty, His love, His grace, and His mercies. It is removing my eyes from myself, and placing my eyes on Him-- the author and the perfecter of my faith. How can I even consider doubting the Lord when I step back and view his splendor and majesty?  He is in control. Don't I know that by now? Yet daily I struggle... And daily I am renewed by his grace. 

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
Lamintations 3:22-23

Lord, renew my heart again today. Take control of my selfish ways. Lord, I desire your will to be done, not my own. Continue to strip away everything that hinders me from worshiping you and remove everything that prevents me from worship. May my life serve to worship you. May you be glorified. Lord make me desperate for you daily, for it is with you that I find rest. Help me to receive faith to trust in you each day. That I may not trust in my own self, but in you.